The Last Time I Wore A Dress by Daphne Scholinski

() People are allowed to be people. It is now more acceptable for gender roles to be abstract in today's society. At least, more people are tolerant of it. Unfortunately, this book's author had to spend half of her adolescence in psych wards because our population wasn't always so accepting. This was further exaggerated by the fact that Scholinski was a continuous trouble-maker and rule-breaker. And, oh my god, she's also a lesbian!

Scholinksi wore her hair short and her clothes boyish. She would be allowed privileges in the hospitals when she would wear makeup or socialize more with the boys. There was actually a DSM diagnosis that claimed she was having problems identifying with her gender role. Oh and surprise surprise, they also tried to analyze her in the classic, now debunked Freudian style.

Scholinksi would blame herself for the circumstances surrounding her, since everyone else was. She'd try her best to conform to the program rules only to get certain freedoms. But she knew who she was and that she detested makeup and girly clothes. Also, she recognized that she'd get butterflies in her stomach around certain females.

This book is a story of her growth and the pain she had to endure in this setting. She had to deal with abuse both here and at home around her family. The end goes on to explain where the author is today, and how she pulled herself out of this mess. Also, it briefly explores some of the other patients' lives as well.

Just Listen by Sarah Dessen

() Although this story is yet another gripping tale of growth and the individual journey of finding oneself, it again paints a portrait of an all too predictable problem, solution, and result.

However, the use of symbolism and synchronicity is undeniably beautiful. The book would be great for teens, as it is intended. Perhaps I'm just tired of hearing such similar growth stories represented in so many different ways. Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson, is a similar book; the title is now an "imprint" of the Penguin Group Inc. that publishes this kind of aimed literature - including this novel.

Spoiler Alert:
As with Speak, the root of the main female character's issues all come down to one sexual assault incident that occurs, and has the possibility to reoccur, within her day-to-day life. The solution is to talk to others and confront it. However, even though both books show a long journey taken towards reaching this discovery through both main characters, the problem and solution were just made altogether too clear for my tastes. It was almost like a "happily-ever-after" ending just because she opened her mouth. And the problem was almost unquestionable in both circumstances: a helpless girl getting attacked by a guy she barely talked to but thought was attractive. Since this book speaks about not putting things in a black and white perspective, you would think it would make the problem and solution a little grayer than that too.

The writing itself is great though, even if the story line was not original. (After all, what is truly original in this day in age?) Notable passages:
"All I wanted - all I'd ever wanted - was to just get away. To be somewhere small where I could crowd in and feel safe, all four walls pressed around me, no one staring or pointing or yelling. But here I was in the wide open, in full view. I might have just given in, [...] And something snapped in me. Snapped hard, like a bone, or a branch, a clean break." (pg. 86)
"I think you should be responsible about what you're putting out there for people to hear. If it can be pollution or art, why wouldn't you choose art?" (pg. 104)
"'[...] to be honest, the silence was worse.' 'Worse than screaming?' [...] 'Silence is... it could be anything. It's just-' 'So freaking loud,' [...] 'Exactly.'" (pg. 161)
"[...] that's worse than lying, when you really think about it. I mean, at the very least you should tell yourself the truth. If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust? You know?" (pg. 163)
"But there was something I liked about the idea of those seeds, buried so deep, having at least a chance to emerge. Even if you couldn't see it beneath the surface, molecules were bonding, energy pushing up slowly, as something worked so hard, all alone, to grow."(pg. 178)
"As I saw her, I heard Kirsten's voice in my head, explaining why she was scared to show her film: This is personal, she'd said. Real. This moment was, too, even if you couldn't tell at first glance. It was fake on the outside, but so true within. You only had to look, really look, to tell." (pg. 250)
"That with every glance, they'd no longer see me, but what had happened to me, [...] It seemed safer to hold it in, where the only one who could judge was me." (pg. 270)
"'There you are.' Like I'd been lost. Misplaced, only now turning up, like a sock you find long after you've assumed it was eaten by the dryer." (pg. 313)
"It's a funny feeling, being suddenly airborne, [...] Just as you realize it, it's over, and you're sinking. [...] All I could think was what I had always thought, even then: that this was just not fair. To get a taste of freedom, only to instantly be punished for it." (pg. 331)
"Don't think or judge, [...] Just listen." (pg. 349)