Fish: A Memoir of a Boy in a Man's Prison by T.J. Parsell

() I love the honesty shown in this book. A lot can be learned through the trauma that the author experienced. However, there were an incredible amount of typos, and some of the writing just seemed rushed. But this was definitely a suspenseful, thrilling novel. And again, even more intense since it's true. It sheds light on important problems (and strengths) inside our correctional system. The author is now a human rights advocate for ending sexual abuse in detention centers.

Basically, at 17, Parsell is given a disproportionate sentencing for his "joke" of a crime: robbing a Photo Mat with a toy gun. He is sent to various facilities, where he is continually raped and abused. He describes needing a "man" in order to protect himself from further rape, and the fear and distrust that built up and stayed with him long after he served his time. It was really interesting to hear about the incarcerated culture and psychological games everyone plays in order to maintain the social structure on the inside. Some of it is barbaric, but some of is very calculated. A lot of prisoners may not be very educated, but that doesn't make them stupid.

The author grows from the experience. He becomes sure of his sexuality and his strengths/weaknesses. He even finds his first love in jail. It's a good story, but not quite at the level of the memoirs I read before it.

"I was beginning to feel like a regular Houdini. But it was Houdini at the very end, in the movie version, where he was trapped inside a tank and everyone looked on, no one could see he was drowning." (pg. 40)
"I[f] you ever want to know what time it is about someone, or something, all you have to do is Telephone, Telegraph, or Tell and Inmate." (pg. 47)
"My dad once told me, to never trust a guy who'll tell on himself. Because if he does that - he'll tell on anybody." (pg. 156)
"My guidance counselor said it didn't matter, which was easy for him to say, since his life was practically over to my thinking. If a kid sat where he didn't belong; or if someone tried to climb too high - [t]he kids at the top were never shy about smacking him back into place." (pg. 182)
"now that I was getting an education I was starting to understand what it meant not to have one. I wondered how different I might have turned out had I paid attention to some of these lessons earlier - but how could I if I only lived in one world that didn't value learning? And would I have been ready to listen?" (pg. 254)
"When I had shut down over the years, I had blocked out anything that hurt me or might have hurt me. At the same time, in doing so, I also locked something else in - stuffing it deep within myself. For a split second I caught a glimpse of who I truly was. It was such a brief simple moment - triggered by what that guard had said: 'You don't belong here.'" (pg. 306)
"teenagers in adult facilities are five times as likely to be sexually assaulted than young people housed in juvenile facilities, and eight times as likely to commit suicide. [...] Most people who want to be tough on crime don't care what happens to inmates. But they should care, because 95 percent of all prisoners are eventually released back into society, indelibly marked by the violence they have seen or experienced. Up until recently, corrections officers have not been doing enough to curb this violence." (pg. 321)

Picking Cotton: Our Memoir of Injustice and Redemption by Jennifer Thompson-Cannino, Ronald Cotton, and Erin Torneo

() Nothing is perfect. Not out justice system, and certainly not our memory. Our memory is especially unreliable in traumatic situations. This book illustrates this in a none-too-short story about a man named Ronald Cotton. He was wrongfully identified by a determined, eduring witness, and rape survivor, Jennifer Thompson.

The book switches from narrating both perspectives. Cotton spends 11 years incarcerated for a rape he never committed. Finally, DNA and another inmate's detailed confession clears him of the crime. Yet all that time, Jennifer Thompson was dead-sure it was Robert Cotton.

But she, Cotton, and the police department are soon educated by research that reveals current police practices can taint the mind of a witness. Thompson was guided to her conclusion, though it was also in line with her memory. (Ronald Cotton was often mistaken to be Bobby Poole, the real perpetrator, while in prison.) So technically, as it says somewhere in the book, they are all "victims of the same rapist." Thompson and Cotton eventually became close friends.

Even when we are completely certain of something, we can still be wrong. Our memories aren't static, though we like to think so. This is a non-fiction book authored by the main characters themselves. It's a good read.

But maybe I'm just growing a love for memoirs. I listened to this as an audio book.

"The way pipes burst when there's too much pressure - I couldn't allow that pressure to build up in me, because it'd snap my mind. I had to protect my mind, to get it in front of the time. [...] More waiting, carrying a big question mark over my head. if this was my life - if I was going to spend the rest of my days in a North Carolina prison - I had to figure out a way to live it." (pg. 144)
"Some of the nicest people you met in prison were sometimes the ones who had done the worst stuff. You never know who to believe. Some people told lies because they didn't want to accept what they had done. A couple of times I tried to tell people I didn't do it, but they usually just said, 'You had to, if you didn't do it, you wouldn't be here.'" (pg. 152)
"Put a man in a cage with beasts and throw away the key, and it's usually not very long before the man is a beast himself." (pg. 155)